throat is a vital area

Sutra 3.29 (Desikachar counting) “Using the throat as the point of enquiry Samyama provides an understanding of thirst and hunger. This enables one to control extreme symptoms” (Desikachar translation)
My first reaction was that I have nothing what so ever to relate to this, but I love the suggestion and the game it invites to. I’m a pig for candy and sugar is a stimulant that just grabs me and I get this urge or craving for it sometimes… oh yes. So this sutra suggest the game, next time with sugar-craving try focusing on my throat ;-) and see what happens. Ok! I’m on it.

I can relate to Desikachars words “the throat is a vital area” and to me appetite is a part of loving life and a sign of vitality. When it’s in balance… I know that something is working when the bandhas just happen, and the jalandhara bandha is fabulous and clear to experience.
To the women that have given birth; I think the most similar experience to the bandhas are the experience of giving birth; when the body(or reality) just takes over and uses the body and the only position left for “me” to take; is to follow along, observe, enjoy (not so much the birth, but the bandha). We can make certain effort to make it happen (tired of the rhino–experience, remember? We tried to make the birth happen with sex :-) walk, wash the floor, drink certain tea, and hospital can give drugs..) but we still can’t do it, suddenly it appears and we can be more or less consciously participating (or trying to get out of it). Ok, I’m not completely sure, but that’s fine.

Now I have been in teacher training for a month and I love it! I love the focus on the everyday practice and I love the transformation that happens. I have to order some of my books still…
Namaste
*jenni*

Fantasy, creativity, sutra 1.9 and stones :-)

Last weekend I had several different focuses. On Saturday I told a friend to tell me what to dedicate my class to, and he wanted it to be about stones. Their quality of wanting to get grounded (get down) and stability and peace. I found that my students are the stones on top of the mountains and I’m the one helping gravity to get its way. It was a gift to me to work with, since my relations seems to be filled up with confused persons, several of them :-) so I get to be the stable stone to balance out the confusion. What a gift.
I also had access to a car for years, this arrangement have been changed lately, I was very concerned when it happened- I thought about my girls and how to get out of this big city… But it turns out that asking if I can borrow the car gives me the gift of feeling gratitude and him the gift of feeling generous (my guessing) gratitude is a great, true place to be.
Yoga sutra 1.9 tells me that; imagination is the comprehension of an object based only on words and expressions, even though the object is absent. Well the text asks me to consider how imagination/fantasy unfolds in my life – I loved that! I’m so rich in this area, there are soo many ways, and today my mind is set free from the idea that creativity has to be connected to some form of art! I mean fx; I’m creative hanging up the laundry in a beautiful way, I’m creative arranging my home, and in solving problems. This sutra restates that the mental activity (here imagination) isn’t in itself good or bad, just an activity. In my life creativity is a gift, it’s a flow. So I worked with flow and on Monday I also tried to work and play with the concept in the relaxation, but it wasn’t all good… So flow and connection and letting go and explore what happens was good experiences for me. And it was great to take out some time and review my daily life for the unfolding of creativity in my life. Tak.
Namasté
Jenni Saunte

What a week!

Ambitions surely have been faced. My oldest daughter has had two birthday parties, one for her school class and one for family. In my head this events gets the time that the guests are here. That’s soo not the reality, they take loads of time.
I don’t like to be the only responsible one – but I am.
I don’t like to set aside my studies – but I have to.
I don’t like prioritizing – but I get to.
Obviously this is the blessing of the week.
I get to look at my priorities, and act on them.
I get to let go of the idea of “doing everything”.
I get to be the responsible person that I sometime can be. I grow with this.
My daughter loved her birthday. It’s all good!

Today is yogaday, I am following up on last weeks viniyoga treat, and reintroducing ashtanga yoga’s sun salutation A. I think a lot of the movement’s that shows up in my programs right now is about energizing the body. I still talk a lot about “attach not, resist not and judge not”. But today the focus landed on “resist not” in form of; not fighting anyone or anything. An example from my own life is; when my older daughter criticise all the words of her kid sister – I do not fight it, I do not criticise her for doing that. Slowly the recognition grows in me, that I love to be (and I am) the person that don’t criticise. That’s what makes me happy. And after some time I can tell this to my kid, instead of telling her that what she do is wrong. Well that’s one way that yoga comes into my life, and I’m soo grateful.
Namasté Jenni

Sunlight and jumping kids

Yes, that’s my day. I woke up with an inner judgemental voice, but it faded when my kids jumped into my bed and we cuddled while the sun coloured the sky red.
Sometimes during the day this cousin of my judgemental voice came, I call her ambitiousa, she is the one that wants me to do everything ,,, NOW! Lucky me! I’ve got kids, so I really don’t have time to listen to theese voices, I’m so grateful. Now they are jumping at the spring board and sun fills up my whole kitchen and it’s just perfect for me to cook dinner:)

Finally!!!

A breakthrough! Actually three!
A snowstorm have changed our grey city into a winter princess, people actually looks up and comment the weather to total strangers, with a smile (even though they complains ;)
We fought the snow-drifts to school and kinder garden, now I get the luxury of study while at the same time playing “snowed in”. My cheeks are burning :)
And,,,, We all slept through tonight!!! Yes! I had some pretty weird dreams, but I got a whole night sleep (as I preyed for).
And I’m now the lucky third of a bachelor group- let the process start!

Sick kids

When people that I love are unhappy, unsatisfied I get eczema inside. I fear to be home with nothing happening, because I feel terrible when they are in discomfort.
Thank universe, for letting me be home when one had a holyday from school and the other were sick and a grandma that wont come as planed, since little one is sick.
Now I know, that there is nothing to fear. I could never have imagined what a relief this odd situation would be. I fear I will be “mom from hell”, that is irritated and can’t be present and calm. How little belief I have in myself! And how good I am!!! :)
Making orange juice became an event, helping out was fun and so many songs and paintings were created! I’m blessed with beautiful kids that can play and do things by them selves. I’m so grateful for how serene this weekend became.

serenity

Noise is my friend
Kids everywhere, jumping, crawling, screaming and vividly discussing their steeple chase course in the living room. My youngest is sick, so we can’t get out to the good stuff. I had to overcome myself because; this was not Jennis plan :) And I prefer my plan,,, but I have let go and actually enjoys the noise, realizing that serenity is in my acceptance of my day and moment not in the silence or in my plans and control.
I’m so glad that I can write here, feel a connection to you, and not feel locked inside.

role-play

Yes, this thing,, with roles can be a trap for me. Sometimes when I get sick of having kids I have realized lately, that what I’m sick of-is not my beloved ones- but this strictly defined “mom-role” (my own definition) that I put myself into and than I suddenly don’t feel like I can move, breathe or be me in.
Guess I will try to be more “jenni in a family” with my kids, instead of “jenni that tries to be mom”. Everything is easier when I get my own powerful permission to be me, not living up to any roles but just be me. In my head Van Morrison sings; “It ain't why, why, why
It just is.” I’m thankful for that. It just is, and I’m just me :)

My young zen master

This morning, walking my six years old to school:
-“Mom, you wanna hear a joke?”
-“yes”
-“Do you know why the trees look so old?”
-“no”
-“It’s because the children are so young.”

Letting go

Yesterday a big online community I’ve been a part of closed down. So I’ve been sad.
I’m so grateful that it's been in my life, these two years that I started to study again. Since I’m a single mom and don’t have time to socialize before and after classes, I have enjoyed the opportunity at night, online. Now I have a network at the institute of fellow students, that I keep up with. So it’s ok that it closes, but still a loss. When I was younger it was a threat to feel sadness, I always feared that it never would go away. I’ve experienced that feelings goes by, if I don’t resist them, if I allow them to exist. God! How many times have I not fought- not to get sad or angry?! Now it’s a part of my “daily” yoga-practice, to find out what’s inside, before I start working.
Today the sadness is gone and there is gratitude and I’m in the present again, letting go of this beautiful supporting community.