Saturday, September 26, 2009

state of meditation or reflection

Desikachar: when obstacles reappear: “Advance towards a state of reflection to reduce their impact and prevent them from taking over.”
This is a clear suggestion, Bouanchaud and Iyengar gives me the concept of “meditation” which is easier for me to use – since I’ve been calling my insane minds work "reflection" sometimes. Yesterday night, I was awake all night… thinking :-) I can assure you, it was in no way constructive, just the same thoughts going over and over. Ojojoj. Sometime this is what the process of reflection can lead me to, but never (so far) meditation.
Hmm right now, I get to see, that this “blender-brain” isn’t reflecting or meditating, rather this messy state is the obstacle, which I need to turn, my attention, away from.
I get the suggestions to pray, discuss with a teacher or do a diversion. Right now I connect to my experience with “blender-brain”, here it sometimes help to pray for me, but almost always it helps to turn my attention to something that is more concrete like do the dishes, go for a walk, mainly something active.

But when the obstacle is unexpected results, a situation that somehow threatens or teases my likes or dislikes, than prayer and meditation helps a lot. Talking, sharing with someone detached, almost always helps, in my experience.
I’ve had the loveliest experience with a person I tend to get into conflict with. He wanted to discuss a situation; he had some opinions that rose reactions in me (teased my likes and dislikes). Maybe because I’ve read this sutra, meditation, as solution, was present in my mind. I’ve told him I needed to meditate on this and that I would get back. A couple of days later, we met, and talked peacefully. For me this is an awakening! A beautiful morning glow. When agitated or in doubt, pause, turn, watch :-)

This makes me want to teach a bit more meditative, searching for “a state of…” when I really get into the judging of an asana; "I like this, want more", or "I dislike this one and I want to get out (need to go to the women’s room;-)"

Iyengar: “The fluctuations of consciousness created by gross and subtle afflictions are to be silenced through meditation.”

Bouanchaud: “Meditation eliminates mental fluctuations set in motion by erroneous impulses.”
(again suggestion; appeal to greater power, reconsideration through detachment or talking to teacher or diversion-turn attention to activity)

Friday, September 18, 2009

awareness into every asana

Desikachar: “When the obstacles do not seem to be present, it is important to be vigilant.”
Vigilant, according to Webster: “alertly watchful especially to avoid danger” so this reminds me of my spiritual suggestion of “It’s not what I don’t know that will kill me, it’s knowing something for sure that just isn’t right…” But it also set free the power of alertness (sthira) that I’m given, to work in any situation, to train it! Not only when danger is present, but also when every obstacle seems to have been removed. I wonder what I might find. It reminds me of serendipity – the art of unsought finding – curiosity of what I might find, if I’m as alert when there is no special focus and direction on the alertness, as when I have a focus (the bear in front of me:) This gives me the focus on “sthira” alertness, awareness, firmness. It confirms me to keep on with my self inquiry practice, that sometimes can seem to be about petty-crap (sorry) but the little flame needs to be put out on a daily basis, so that I can do it with a glass of water, and don’t need to call the fire department (thanks Bouanchaud for that metaphor).
In yoga, I get to feel the magic of awareness at another level, when I’m not in the big Ardha Chandrasana and perhaps only move my arm up and down. A conscious contact is revealed in the awareness. Sometime I would love to explore the difference between conscious and aware.
And I bring Casal and Bach to yoga-class this weekend.

Iyengar: “Subtle afflictions are to be minimized and eradicated by a process of involution.”
Bouanchaud: “Recognizing inherent impulses eliminates the causes of suffering at a subtle level.”

Friday, September 11, 2009

love for life

“Fear is present even for the sage and develops from it’s own inherent source.”
Bouanchaud translating Patanjali
Again the inherent or inborn part strikes me. One of my teachers told me that my fear of not being able to provide for my kids maybe wasn’t a bad thing. I guess that was the first glimps of this sutra in my life. And this week I’ve reached a point where I recognized that I had peace with some of my fears, like fear of jumping out of a window. But other fears I resent and thereby I see them as an obstacle in between me and freedom or serenity… Iyengar suggest that “Love of life is sustained by life’s own force.” Life wants to live – through me :-) and sometime this takes the form of fear of dying.

So maybe the class will be about courage and fear, in the form of love for life. As a teacher it gives me that attachment and fear is part of being human, and we move and work including this condition. Yoga is the movement towards and the state of kaivalya, freedom from even this attachment to life.


Iyengar translation “Self-preservation or attachments to life is the subtlest of all afflictions. It is found even in wise men.”
Desikachar translation “Insecurity is the inborn feeling of anxiety about what is to come. It affects both the ignorant and the wise.”

Friday, September 04, 2009

freed from attachments

Excessive attachment is based on the assumption that it will contribute to everlasting happiness.
Unreasonable dislikes are usually the result of painful experiences in the past, connected with particular objects and situations.

So this week this applies to letting go of the attachment to a special solution involving someone else. It seems so easy and nice to ask this person for help, but in the long run – I don’t experience it to be for free and for fun. My attachment to this enjoyment and the unmanageability it brings to me is clear. This sutra brings me the clarity so that I, today, to se the attachment vaporise! Thanks tak tak tak - a relief.

I still have troubles starting up my daily yoga-practice. Right now it’s in bits and parts over several hours. I guess this sutra guides me to just pick a time, let go of the idea to wait for the perfect time, than start, just call a time and pray for strength to do it at that time - free from the enjoyment and the dislike (attraction and repulsion) to decide in their fickle jenniform. I’ve tried to get up 30 minutes earlier (at 5) but I seem to be attached :-) to the bed. But now I’ve shared it, so maybe there are some we – power in that.
(I wrote this yesterday – sure of getting an early start this morning, and than I couldn’t fall asleep, and one of my kids peed in the bed and the other one came and kept me awake to 4 in the morning – so at 5 I just closed the alarm and thought “tomorrow…”)

One part of my work I hate (not the yoga work – another work-life-part) I get to know me as a resisting person; I really don’t want to do this. But here the sutra shows me a way that is not based on my “want to”. I find that there is another meaning with this certain aspect of my work life that gives me a break, a pause, that is actually enjoyable and healthy for me :-) so I keep on.

Love Namasté
Jenni – on her way to practice and teaching and singing (gayatri mantra ;) while the leafs are falling down