to be the black pattern on black

Sutra 3.21 relates to being noticed or not – to be the black pattern on black, or the white pattern on black, so to speak… “Samyama on the relationship between the features of the body and what affects them, can give one the means to merge with one’s surroundings in such a way that one’s form is indistinguishable” (Desikachar translation).
To me this is a great promise. If I work with inventory, meditation and integration I can get to choose weather to be noticed or not. To attract more or less attention.
In the last years I’ve been given the experience to sit in company with “attention-demanding” persons or persons who I don’t agree with at all or in big companies where I got all the attention or none at all.
The new thing, to me, is that I’ve been consciously aware of this and sometime been given the experience of choosing to not “take any attention” or choose to be seen and heard. This is new and very exciting to me.
In my past I always felt like a victim, or all powerful :-) not much in between – haha! For example; after a big dinner where I got a lot of attention, I could get all remorseful “Oh, I shouldn’t have told this/that. I should have appeared more humble and silent –haha “Oh, ego!” But it could also go the other way; “Why don’t they listen to Me?!”, “If I left – nobody would take notice”
I love that the Sanskrit word for ego is the same as for pride; ahamkara :-)

This sutra promises me to get power to make a conscious choice and feel content with the outcome.
I know it is my investment in the path that has given me the baby-experience of this.
I actually felt free when I don’t fill up. When I don’t “stand by my convictions” they can still fill me up – I get to experience my love for them inside me, freely. Without the attachment (addiction) to somebody’s confirmation of me.

To my teaching situation, this tells me that I can as a teacher choose how controlling or “visible” I want to be, if I work samyama on the relationship between the features of the body and what affects them. This is a gift to both my students and me. It also tells me that I can recognize when others fill up the room or try to become one with the wall. It’s ok.
Being part of something and consciously aware of how I participate. Going for balance and honesty in every asana.
Namasté
Jenni Saunte