Saturday, January 08, 2011

a love relationship to reality

Iyengar translation, sutra 3.18; ""Through direct perception of his subliminal impressions, the yogi gains knowledge of her previous lives"

When Iyengar writes and uses the Hindu concepts of "past and present" lives. I can relate, today.
It is not so much tied up in the death of my body. I actually know something about death and birth going on in my lifetime. The death of an old role, like "wife" she had to die or transcend being divorced. “Daughter” has died many deaths, in order for me and my mum to have a healthy present relationship. "Mother" and co-parent have to die several deaths, the kids and our circumstances and the relation to their father changed so drastically that death and birth is the most accurate description of the process. Going from being a student to being an employee was a death and a birth.

At my last sessions with Godfrey Devereux he insisted to stay on his mat and not play along in the "ending-story" of the class. "There are no endings" well maybe there are deaths, I've experienced this total transformation of mind: I suddenly see the world as I never did before. Maybe "detachment" is a death, death of an old idea or an old story... Maybe awakenings are births, something that dramatically changes the whole perspective and living afterwards.
To me it makes sense to play along and call it an "ending of the class" even doing it consciously as an symbolic act (to see clearly I'm playing). This is the same reason that makes “celebrate new years eve”, as if there is an ending of a year and a start of a new year, meaningfull – to play symbolically. These things that I do, isn't a reflection of my truth or beliefs but recognition of death and birth in a symbolical way. Celebrating them, separated from when they occur to me or my family as human beings.

"Samyama on one's tendencies and habits will lead one to his/her origins. Consequently, one gains deep knowledge of one's past." The same sutra 3.18, translated by Desikachar.
I have been doing daily inventory for 4-5 years. The last year it's been with the yamas and niyamas as inventory-model. It gives me insight into me, it brings perspective and proportions - not a bad thing and; Yes! very deep. This also relates to the asana-work. Doing the same asanas, daily, for about three months in a row, gives me deep knowledge of my habits and tendencies, but like with my inventory I don't enjoy the knowledge as much as seeing what this knowledge gives me - balance, strength, flexibility, lightness and wellbeing, comfort, contentment.
This is how I relate to the words of Desikachar:
"We learn how our behaviour and personal characteristics developed and what events in the past influenced our attitudes, likes and dislikes."
Or in Iyengar's words: "pains and pleasures experienced in present life as a result of good and bad actions in past lives"

Iyengar writes that: "When we see in truth, we see directly "independent of memory, and feelings of joy and sorrow""
This gets turned around for me into a guideline: The things in my life I'm not emotionally reacting to, is the things I'm closest to the truth about.
And :-)
When I’m emotional excited/sad/angry and on a “very important” mission – I might not be in contact with the most truth there is… Good guideline to wait until the wave have crusted and is retracting… I know this is true for me. I know how it feels when the story about "it is soo important!!" lets go and there is suddenly a possibility to move and change and; unlike nothing else, a sense of being real. After I started to have these experiences I've developed a passionate love-relationship with reality - loving it above all else - even when it hurts. (I'm done painting my red flags green - thanks for these words)
Jenni Saunte

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