Classes and my studies

MY WORLD what a difference it makes to get some sleep! I wrote a mail before I slept for 4 hours this afternoon, than I just read it again. My perspective is completely different. And this is my experience, that keeps coming back; sleep, food, connecting to people around me and hanging on to where the serenity is - turns me into a completely different positive person! Before my sleep I used a bit of power on figuring out how to get an essay written, teach classes and get to go to an interesting meeting tomorrow. After sleeping, I remember that my classes were cancelled this weekend due to an event – so there is really nothing to think about. So,,, my essay will be about blogging and learning. And my classes coming up, will be about surrender, or exploring yoga with the principle of “vairagya”.

Finally!!!

A breakthrough! Actually three!
A snowstorm have changed our grey city into a winter princess, people actually looks up and comment the weather to total strangers, with a smile (even though they complains ;)
We fought the snow-drifts to school and kinder garden, now I get the luxury of study while at the same time playing “snowed in”. My cheeks are burning :)
And,,,, We all slept through tonight!!! Yes! I had some pretty weird dreams, but I got a whole night sleep (as I preyed for).
And I’m now the lucky third of a bachelor group- let the process start!

Yoga; my work and my assignment.

Classes have been affected by the day and the people I meet. I got a craving for developing my “yoga nidra” teaching skills, so that was a theme and I had a student that have flexibility when bending forward in a yoga mudra but is stiff as a rock in pachimottan asana, so that was my next exploration. It was a long time since I dedicated a class to rotations, so there we go,,, Tomorrow it will be reversed positions in focus, perhaps with a little partnering.
I wanted my yoga practice to support the changes that happens in my life, but I realized I needed help, so I asked a wise yoga teacher to help me and she gave me an assignment. I’m going to find out which asanas that I resist. I like!!! An assignment that puts focus on my starting point. The first position that comes to mind is plank position :) my arms are weak so I dislike the positions that confront me with that.
Going through my books (systematically – as a good librarian) I find there really isn’t any pose I dislike! I love my work; I love it in every aspect I know, so far. Sure there are positions that I cannot do, but so what? It’s not a circus.
But my experience tells me to give it time, time makes assignments grow, if what I already found is true, time don’t hurt.

Sick kids

When people that I love are unhappy, unsatisfied I get eczema inside. I fear to be home with nothing happening, because I feel terrible when they are in discomfort.
Thank universe, for letting me be home when one had a holyday from school and the other were sick and a grandma that wont come as planed, since little one is sick.
Now I know, that there is nothing to fear. I could never have imagined what a relief this odd situation would be. I fear I will be “mom from hell”, that is irritated and can’t be present and calm. How little belief I have in myself! And how good I am!!! :)
Making orange juice became an event, helping out was fun and so many songs and paintings were created! I’m blessed with beautiful kids that can play and do things by them selves. I’m so grateful for how serene this weekend became.

language as a meditation!?

still not able to go out :)
I think words that start with “L” in my English dictionary is easier to understand, L is a good letter! But “P” and “C” loads of hard to get words there. Looking at H I find hubbub-wow!! What a word! Do they really say that? And hubby-how cute it sounds. Huckster, huff and huffy, well as a foreigner I must say it sounds like what it is :)
I love languages, I love the meditation that other calls translation, I love to explore sounds and I’m so thankful to have so many languages to play with.

serenity

Noise is my friend
Kids everywhere, jumping, crawling, screaming and vividly discussing their steeple chase course in the living room. My youngest is sick, so we can’t get out to the good stuff. I had to overcome myself because; this was not Jennis plan :) And I prefer my plan,,, but I have let go and actually enjoys the noise, realizing that serenity is in my acceptance of my day and moment not in the silence or in my plans and control.
I’m so glad that I can write here, feel a connection to you, and not feel locked inside.

role-play

Yes, this thing,, with roles can be a trap for me. Sometimes when I get sick of having kids I have realized lately, that what I’m sick of-is not my beloved ones- but this strictly defined “mom-role” (my own definition) that I put myself into and than I suddenly don’t feel like I can move, breathe or be me in.
Guess I will try to be more “jenni in a family” with my kids, instead of “jenni that tries to be mom”. Everything is easier when I get my own powerful permission to be me, not living up to any roles but just be me. In my head Van Morrison sings; “It ain't why, why, why
It just is.” I’m thankful for that. It just is, and I’m just me :)

Metablogging

I'm reading a book by Qvortrup (better learn to spell that name:) about how we as actors on internet both wants and fears the transparency that we gain. I think that considers me wanting to blog on different blogs about different things. It is also a social thing for me, something about having different roles in different communities. My fellow students should not know my spiritual nature and other interests and my co-workers or spiritual acquaintances couldn’t possibly be interested in other sides of me. I’m taking decisions on their behalf, and they cannot even object, since nobody can se, that I only show the side of me, I doom them to be interested in. And again, why I’m writing, and to whom, I still don’t know. I know I enjoy reading some of your blogs a lot! I will soon make a bloglist on the side, but for now, I want to give some of what I get. Thank you for writing in a language, which I can relate to and I recognize as honest!
(Oh, oh,,, I’m so easily affected by what I read (theory of communication, for the time being))

start

The start of a new semester can first happen when I’ve let go of the last. I went north, got some snow and skiing done, fixed my acute need to get out of this big city and my even more urgent need to be embraced by a completely snow covered world. It was great, even though my youngest threw up and coughed every night, so we were tired, it was still great! Even for her! She tells proudly, to every one, that she threw up at grandmas :)
Now a tension of some excitement rises in my lower back, it’s my inner “Peter pedal” I think he’s called “curious George” in English. I know this is a sign of readiness to the next semester; bring it on!!!
hmm probably have to rename this blog, it’s not centred around yoga (even though I think so;) it’s all jenni.

Centrifugal brain problems

I thought it would take the internet business a week to send me my books, but here they are! My trouble is (and that’s the wrong word,,) that when I’m assigned to read books witch are boring I have to keep my spirits up, and I’m getting pretty good at that, but I don’t know what to do when I’m inspired. These new books are so interesting to me, that I cannot read more than half a page and all the consequences of the texts hits me and my brain starts to blend, a centrifugal power that draws lines from the text to the most amazing, unexpected places. I have to stop and do something else; it’s a very restless feeling. But somehow it’s also a gift. I see that I’m privileged to love my work, my studies and this, at times, restless mind, is a small price to pay.