Heaven and earth 2

Since last week I’ve had craving for a deeper dig into this topic.
So I’ve done more classes on the matter, as results I know have my own inner apple tree :)
My spine has turned into the tree and my heart and head is filled with flowers, fruits and leaves and I can feel the wind that moves me.
I love it!

Heaven and earth

My colleague gave me the idea to work with heaven and earth in my classes, to explore it in the asanas.
So I did. It’s not anything I was taught to do, so it really is an sensing, testing and feeling thing. But,, I found that the balance poses actually have both elements in them, so we worked with vrikshasana and natarajasana, it was beautiful to sink into the soil while my heart and head is lifting and surrounded by birds and sky ;) I also had a exiting experience to work with the sun salutations, but instead of doing the plank pose, we solidly lay down our whole body on the ground, in the earth and slowly bullied up into bhujangasana and than into the upward facing dog and back into normal sun salutation, that was so special to me. The grounding feeling was so deep, that the start and the end was like flying! It had a polarising effect. I love to exchange ideas for what to work with in my classes.

guidence

I love that I have friends and know artists (here; van Morrison) that always seems to find, yet, another angel at words or thoughts, I'm blessed to be able to hear, it turns into a picture of how I can't trust what meaning I put into words,, and out of this grows a picture of how rich reality is, of possibilities, opportunities.
Maybe I recognize the songs words (below) as my spirits word to the self, to ease it's ending.
Not to end, but to support the ending that sometime appears.
I’m thankful for the reminding not to rush, to love what already is..the present
Sometime I think it's too much - even though I recognize the truth in my "god self "to be real, and my other self as a story, my world just starts to whirl.
So let me be the whirling dervish in the dance of my life.
I see this dance of lunacy (the one-legged, the headless and the backwards), all fools can join and grab hands and circle around and around each other in a stomping waltz ;)

Let go into the mystery
Let yourself go
There is no other place to be
Baby this I know
You've got to dance and sing
And be alive in the mystery
And be joyous and give thanks
And let yourself go

You've got to open up your arms
To the sun
You know you've got so many charms
It's just begun
Trust what I say and do
What you're told
And surely all your dirt will turn into gold

summer yoga

Some of my students wanted me to make a summer yoga course somewhere, but I didn’t have time to organize it, so they did!! How beautiful is that!!!
This is the result so far: http://sommeryoga.blogspot.com

Classes

This week, my classes have been more “pedagogically correct”. I mean, I’ve looked at what we’ve been doing and followed up on some asanas and adding whats missing. But there was a theme of different kinds of sun salutations, another was hips and flexibility. But my favourite was yesterday, I let my colleague decide what my theme was going to be, she told me to work with feminine and masculine attitudes towards the asanas.
I found that I connect the masculine with the principle of abhyasa and the feminine with the principles of vairagya. More on, I found that I somehow connects the masculine with the inhalation (the active force) and the feminine with the exhalation (the passive force). I haven’t got a clue about this. I haven’t used the thoughts of masculine and feminine since I studied “bodymind” with my masters. I have to search books, friends and colleagues to see how they do it, what do you think?
I can clearly see how much integrity and attitude work there’s going on in my classes! It’s beautiful! The hunched old lady that is so much into her breath that she finishes her asana far behind all the others, but everyone loves to get to do stuff in their own time, following their own breath, it was beautiful! So much accept of the self and the other “selves” in the same room. It was a good to see how aware we all became of our own attitudes and what effect they have on us. How our attitude forms the reality that we sense. I think there is more for me to get there!

Serendipity and yoga

I think that “unsought findings” is one of the great promises in yoga. Since yoga work so much with the present and with awareness (sthira) we are bound to find something. Maybe that’s the essence of body consciousness, the sum of unexpressed knowledge and the unsought findings?
I find so many new experiences by working with yoga, when I succeed in letting go of my ambitions, my “I want”, my evaluations “I mean/this means” and my expectations “I cannot”.
When I surrender to the next inhalation or exhalation, I truly find experiences in myself I never knew existed. Get to the matter, an example. Some years ago, I played with my sense of moving my back muscles standing upside down, I suddenly found that; in order to lift my legs calmly up in any variation of a headstand; I use my but as a counterweight to my legs. I didn’t set out to find this, but it was there. Every yoga practise gives me unsought findings, in myself, my body (anatomy and physiology), my spirit, philosophy and life. And many of these findings/experiences can be applied to completely other parts of my life. Love it when one part of my life can enrich another or in this case give me some words to explain my experience.

This weekend

I have dedicated my yoga work, this weekend to build some peace, since our beautiful city have been violated by a raging mass of house occupants and cops trying to keep order, what a mess! Sissel described, at her blog, the riots in december, this weekend was the follow up to this. But we found peace in my classes, breathing exercises, easy movement that follows the breath, silence and really working in the moment helped.

Serendipity

“The art of the unsought finding” (Van Andel)
I haven’t read anything on the subject yet. But after a class about serendipity, we’re sent to take pictures of "it".
I will try to do that today.
When I think about it, it seems like there is a relationship between awareness and time. The less time I have, the more aware I have to be, to se my finding-possibilities. The more time I have, the less aware I have to be – I will always find something.
Another factor that seems to clearly influence my possibilities is meetings! Between “worlds” no matter if these “worlds” are personal universes :) or different theories or different practises. In these meetings there are possibilities for “unsought findings”. I love that expression!

Can you experience something without putting it into a frame of meaning?

In yoga we talk about peeling off layers of understanding, so that we can get to the pure experience. In my studies, my teacher wants me to accept that we cannot experience anything without simultaneously applying meaning to our experience (therefore we always learn). I really can’t figure it out. My intellect can accept the texts I’m introduced to in my studies. But! (whole lot of buts) my truth is another. Maybe it is one of these “question of belief” issues?
It reminds me of what some yoga teachers, that had taught both in India and in western countries, told me. They didn’t have breathing exercises to western pupils, because tradition focuses on growing the inhalation (learn to recive?), and that’s what most eastern pupils need, but we are the opposite. In the west we need to learn how to exhale, (to give?). Maybe western philosophy focus on extracting meaning out of everything? While eastern let it go, and end up having more pure experience and still somehow more meaning. Yoga philosophy (so far) gives me,,,,, meaning ;)
Knowledge is wisdom put into practice
Experience has several meanings in English, two that we have separate words for in Danish. (e.g. “He gained valuable experience”,,, and “an exciting experience”).
I wonder, do you always get experienced by having experiences? I get a picture of a hierarchy; at the bottom several experiences makes you experienced, knowledge contains practicing this experience and wisdom is the sum of all the knowledge that’s put into practice. No, not working. Maybe this is to ambitious for a tired Thursday evening?
One of my mentors suggests: “knowledge is information put into practice and wisdom is knowledge put into practice”. Well, the concept of “information” kind of makes me wanna cry, but the last part seems to be a relief to think. So I’m holding on to whatever gives meaning in this extended moment.
Yes, it connects the parts! If knowledge is the collective experiences, than it would be wise to act according to these realizations.

Classes and my studies

MY WORLD what a difference it makes to get some sleep! I wrote a mail before I slept for 4 hours this afternoon, than I just read it again. My perspective is completely different. And this is my experience, that keeps coming back; sleep, food, connecting to people around me and hanging on to where the serenity is - turns me into a completely different positive person! Before my sleep I used a bit of power on figuring out how to get an essay written, teach classes and get to go to an interesting meeting tomorrow. After sleeping, I remember that my classes were cancelled this weekend due to an event – so there is really nothing to think about. So,,, my essay will be about blogging and learning. And my classes coming up, will be about surrender, or exploring yoga with the principle of “vairagya”.

Finally!!!

A breakthrough! Actually three!
A snowstorm have changed our grey city into a winter princess, people actually looks up and comment the weather to total strangers, with a smile (even though they complains ;)
We fought the snow-drifts to school and kinder garden, now I get the luxury of study while at the same time playing “snowed in”. My cheeks are burning :)
And,,,, We all slept through tonight!!! Yes! I had some pretty weird dreams, but I got a whole night sleep (as I preyed for).
And I’m now the lucky third of a bachelor group- let the process start!

Yoga; my work and my assignment.

Classes have been affected by the day and the people I meet. I got a craving for developing my “yoga nidra” teaching skills, so that was a theme and I had a student that have flexibility when bending forward in a yoga mudra but is stiff as a rock in pachimottan asana, so that was my next exploration. It was a long time since I dedicated a class to rotations, so there we go,,, Tomorrow it will be reversed positions in focus, perhaps with a little partnering.
I wanted my yoga practice to support the changes that happens in my life, but I realized I needed help, so I asked a wise yoga teacher to help me and she gave me an assignment. I’m going to find out which asanas that I resist. I like!!! An assignment that puts focus on my starting point. The first position that comes to mind is plank position :) my arms are weak so I dislike the positions that confront me with that.
Going through my books (systematically – as a good librarian) I find there really isn’t any pose I dislike! I love my work; I love it in every aspect I know, so far. Sure there are positions that I cannot do, but so what? It’s not a circus.
But my experience tells me to give it time, time makes assignments grow, if what I already found is true, time don’t hurt.

Sick kids

When people that I love are unhappy, unsatisfied I get eczema inside. I fear to be home with nothing happening, because I feel terrible when they are in discomfort.
Thank universe, for letting me be home when one had a holyday from school and the other were sick and a grandma that wont come as planed, since little one is sick.
Now I know, that there is nothing to fear. I could never have imagined what a relief this odd situation would be. I fear I will be “mom from hell”, that is irritated and can’t be present and calm. How little belief I have in myself! And how good I am!!! :)
Making orange juice became an event, helping out was fun and so many songs and paintings were created! I’m blessed with beautiful kids that can play and do things by them selves. I’m so grateful for how serene this weekend became.

language as a meditation!?

still not able to go out :)
I think words that start with “L” in my English dictionary is easier to understand, L is a good letter! But “P” and “C” loads of hard to get words there. Looking at H I find hubbub-wow!! What a word! Do they really say that? And hubby-how cute it sounds. Huckster, huff and huffy, well as a foreigner I must say it sounds like what it is :)
I love languages, I love the meditation that other calls translation, I love to explore sounds and I’m so thankful to have so many languages to play with.

serenity

Noise is my friend
Kids everywhere, jumping, crawling, screaming and vividly discussing their steeple chase course in the living room. My youngest is sick, so we can’t get out to the good stuff. I had to overcome myself because; this was not Jennis plan :) And I prefer my plan,,, but I have let go and actually enjoys the noise, realizing that serenity is in my acceptance of my day and moment not in the silence or in my plans and control.
I’m so glad that I can write here, feel a connection to you, and not feel locked inside.

role-play

Yes, this thing,, with roles can be a trap for me. Sometimes when I get sick of having kids I have realized lately, that what I’m sick of-is not my beloved ones- but this strictly defined “mom-role” (my own definition) that I put myself into and than I suddenly don’t feel like I can move, breathe or be me in.
Guess I will try to be more “jenni in a family” with my kids, instead of “jenni that tries to be mom”. Everything is easier when I get my own powerful permission to be me, not living up to any roles but just be me. In my head Van Morrison sings; “It ain't why, why, why
It just is.” I’m thankful for that. It just is, and I’m just me :)

Metablogging

I'm reading a book by Qvortrup (better learn to spell that name:) about how we as actors on internet both wants and fears the transparency that we gain. I think that considers me wanting to blog on different blogs about different things. It is also a social thing for me, something about having different roles in different communities. My fellow students should not know my spiritual nature and other interests and my co-workers or spiritual acquaintances couldn’t possibly be interested in other sides of me. I’m taking decisions on their behalf, and they cannot even object, since nobody can se, that I only show the side of me, I doom them to be interested in. And again, why I’m writing, and to whom, I still don’t know. I know I enjoy reading some of your blogs a lot! I will soon make a bloglist on the side, but for now, I want to give some of what I get. Thank you for writing in a language, which I can relate to and I recognize as honest!
(Oh, oh,,, I’m so easily affected by what I read (theory of communication, for the time being))

start

The start of a new semester can first happen when I’ve let go of the last. I went north, got some snow and skiing done, fixed my acute need to get out of this big city and my even more urgent need to be embraced by a completely snow covered world. It was great, even though my youngest threw up and coughed every night, so we were tired, it was still great! Even for her! She tells proudly, to every one, that she threw up at grandmas :)
Now a tension of some excitement rises in my lower back, it’s my inner “Peter pedal” I think he’s called “curious George” in English. I know this is a sign of readiness to the next semester; bring it on!!!
hmm probably have to rename this blog, it’s not centred around yoga (even though I think so;) it’s all jenni.

Centrifugal brain problems

I thought it would take the internet business a week to send me my books, but here they are! My trouble is (and that’s the wrong word,,) that when I’m assigned to read books witch are boring I have to keep my spirits up, and I’m getting pretty good at that, but I don’t know what to do when I’m inspired. These new books are so interesting to me, that I cannot read more than half a page and all the consequences of the texts hits me and my brain starts to blend, a centrifugal power that draws lines from the text to the most amazing, unexpected places. I have to stop and do something else; it’s a very restless feeling. But somehow it’s also a gift. I see that I’m privileged to love my work, my studies and this, at times, restless mind, is a small price to pay.

My young zen master

This morning, walking my six years old to school:
-“Mom, you wanna hear a joke?”
-“yes”
-“Do you know why the trees look so old?”
-“no”
-“It’s because the children are so young.”

Change, yoga

I’m working with change, not a change that I in any way can do, but a change I try to stay open to. I love this quote: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~Anaïs Nin
It is willingness to change, not just wanting it. After experiencing it, the difference between wanting to change, no matter how desperate this want is, and to be willing - appears.

classes

Wet, windy and grey weather cannot keep me from working with sun salutations today. Maybe the greyness will make us work in a new way? There are many new students, so I’m still putting down the basic lines, keeping it simple, good for me, good for them (?). For the next two days I think I go with, rotations and gravity.

Judgment day

Today I criticize me for not being good enough. Not doing more, not being able to cope more in my everyday, for having a sloppy brain. Yep, exams often have that effect on me, tickles my perfectionism. Really sucks.
It was a good exam, I was fairly treated, so what can I do now.
Maybe, I should do a really sloppy yoga practice, not do anything “perfect” and try to love that?
Or maybe I should do a headstand to change my perspective?
I’m really just tired, so sleep and do nothing is probably what I should let in.
zzzzzzzzzz

gifts in my work

I love my work. No matter how much is going on inside my head, when the class starts and I say all the initiating “lets land here and now” to my students, I land in a holy “now”. I loose sight of everything, except for the nest pose/asana/exercise. I loose track of time, often I have let go of my ego-projects and have a whole new perspective afterwards. Before I go, I can feel tired and like there is nothing inside and that I really should concentrate on this or that problem, after class I have more energy and often I have landed in a solution instead of poking around my imaginary problems.
It’s challenging to write in English, but slowly it’s coming back to me, I enjoy the challenge!
Tomorrow is my exam, so wish me luck. I try to hold on to the fact that it actually is just an ordinary day in a students life, and that we are all just one, me and my examiners :-)

More unity

Seems to be my topic, for the time being ;)
Yesterday, I started my day with reading an article of one of my professors, in witch she explains artistic moments/meetings as a 4th dimension, as being in the “now”, the present. My jaw fell down on my pillow (yes, I think it’s great to study in bed ;-) and I got so excited, that I had to take a two hours break, just grasping the consequents of this new unity in my life. How great to have a professor that take this, for me, spiritual truth, and put it right into a very usable place. Wow!
I find myself starting on a journey towards unity with myself. Now there is a truth in me that I’m not supposed to be a part of a whole with another human being, not a lover, not a parent not a friend or any kind of a “guru”. The more I love being me, the more unity there is within me, strangely I find myself being able to relate more to other people as we are one. It feels like standing on a train station or a harbour. This could lead anywhere. I’ll try to “harbour” this feeling, hope that it will get stuck in me, because there is a beautiful strength in this truth.
One of the main understandings of yoga is that the point is to unite, so why not look for unity, collect all the evidence that I can find in my every day?